The Society

They stood circled together, sharing their stories. They were all unique, yet all very similar.  She stood with them, trying to participate as best she could.  After all, she had no such stories of her own, no personal experience to lend credence to her words.  No, all she knew she had learned from watching others and listening to their tales.  The group tolerated her, pitied her, and graced her with placating smiles.  They knew she wanted to fit in, to be one of them, and, is some ways, she was.  But she could never fully be one of them, she had never, and would never, experience the fullness of the title they all shared.

She saw the look in their eyes, the pity, she knew they only placated her, that she did not fit in.  It cut like a knife knowing she was, and always would be, an outsider.  Soon, she wandered away, feeling alone and disconnected.  No matter how much she wanted to be, no matter hard she tried, she knew she would always stand on the outside looking in.  She sat off to the side, watching the children play reveling in their innocence and sweet laughter.  Alone she could pretend.  Alone she could be as much a part of the group as anyone else.

Those still in waiting patted their rounded bellies lovingly, their eye bright, faces glowing, a miracle growing within.  Their conversation dipped and rolled, punctuated be smiles and laughter.  The sound grated on raw nerves, tore at her heart, tears sprang unbidden to her eyes.  She quickly brushed them away, no on needed to see how much her heart ached.  She was reminded of why she often stayed home.  This feeling was why she did not seek out other mothers to spend time with.

Oh sure, she had just as many stories of infancy and toddlerhood to share but, conversation almost inevitably turned to pregnancy and what did she have to contribute about that?  She was one of them, and she wasn't, she was a loner in her circle of friends.  She would never be privy to that inner sanctum, that sacred circle,  never fully apart of this great society known simply as, Mothers.