22 Months

Parenthood.  It rarely, if ever, looks like we think it will.  Or, at least, how we sometimes wish it were.  You see those cool TV/movie moms with their hair always done perfectly, their makeup is expertly applied, their nails manicured, their clothes always neat and tidy with not a drop of spit-up, drool, dirt, or half chewed food, at least you hope it is half chewed food, any where to be seen.  Their kids are always on their best behavior, no tantrums, melt downs, or fits, just sweet, angelic, smiling cherubs.  Ah, you think, that's parenthood, so easy!  That will be me, you think.  Then you see those other TV/movie moms, the ones that look like they haven't slept in days, their hair is in some kind of messy bun thingy, their makeup is hastily applied mascara and lip gloss, their nails need a trim and their clothes look ragged and normally have someone else's vomit or food on on it.  And their kids? Well, lets just say they could use some discipline and a lessen in manners.  Did you see that fit the younger one just threw?  How could she let him get away with that type of behavior?  This is the mom you hope you never are.

Then, reality.  You realize that the first type of mom does not exist in real life. No one is always perfectly coiffed and no kids are always perfect cherubs.  You also notice that, you sometimes look a little, or a lot, like that second mom.  You often are just too tired to care that your hair looks like something a rat slept in, or that you haven't shaved since, good lord, I cant even remember! or that there is some drool or smashed banana on your shirt.  You spend your time chasing after, caring for, and lavishing a lot of love on your kids. You also notice that your kids sometimes throw fits, big ones, in the middle of the store! but you ignore it and continue shopping since you aren't about to cave to that, nor are you going to pay attention to the looks of strangers around you. Yes, you discipline your kids, you teach them manners and most of the time, they are pretty good, even cherub like but, they are also real, with real big emotions, and lots of heart.  They have passions and desires that they are not always able to understand or control.  And you love them through and through, even though you wish those major fits never happened, or at least happened only at home.

What do you do when your imagination don't match up with reality?  You embrace reality and kick those stupid, unrealistic ideas to the curb.  Real life is so much better any way.  Messier and crazier perhaps, but oh so much better!  There is love in the reality of life, there is unlimited joy and passion.  Nothing is better than the real, wonderful, unique child you have in front of you.  No, I did not have any preconceived ideas about what my parenting journey would look like, but, like most of us, strive to be the best parent I can be, even though the best parent I can be in my mind is not always achievable. Yes, I struggle sometimes seeing all those moms that can cook, clean, shower, shave, do a millions neat little projects with their kids, etc. and wishing I could be like that.  But, what Emma needs, is me, the real me. The one that spends more time snuggling and reading, and laughing and loving, than I do finding projects and cool food ideas online. The one that would rather spend a few more minutes making funny faces in the mirror with her than shaving my legs or doing my hair. So far, that hardest part of this parenting journey is learning to just be me, not some idealized TV version of me, just me.  I am enough.  (Seriously though, about the shaving thing, how do those mothers do it?!)

Parenthood also means saying the oddest things, ever.  Seriously. Never in a million years did I ever think I would hear myself say things like; "don't lick the dog" or "water bottles lids are not chew toys" or "don't put your kale in your diaper" or "did you poop? Let me smell your tush."  There is so much more but I think you get the idea.  Emma is 22 months old, going on 8... and she is learning so much right now.  She is also starting to assert her independence, which I have mixed emotions about....  I cant imagine life without her in it, as crazy, and tiring, and busy as it can be.  Life without her in it would not make sense.  She inserts a newness and lightness into every day.  God sure knew what He was doing when He brought her into this world, and into our hearts!