Sun shines down, gently warming us. Slight breeze blows, softly caressing our faces. I feel her tiny hand in mine, in awe of the love and trust coming from those precious fingers. "Look, mommy! A big bear!" She says excitedly, pointing ahead and starting to run. I can't help but catch some of that enthusiasm and joy, so I run happily beside her towards the bear. As we draw near, her smile gets bigger and she giggles with glee. The big bears around town make her so happy! She hugs the bear and pats it's nose. "It's so cute, mommy!" she says. "Just like you, bug." I reply. In a few minutes, we will continue on our walk. In a few minutes, this moment will be gone. We linger a while longer, she is content and happy being so close to the bear, I can't take my eyes off her. My love for her grows, my eyes glisten with tears of joy and happiness. Moments like this are dear, too precious to miss, too amazing to let go. She may never remember today, our walk, our treat at the bakery, dancing, marching, and running down the street. But I will. I will.
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This time with my daughter, it is a gift. I need to remember to treat each day as if I will not get another. I have my moments when I cant seem to pull it together, desperately wanting some time alone in order to regroup. It seems that when I feel I need it the most, and I ask God for my child to sleep in, or take an extra long nap, He shows me that what I need most is to relax and trust Him. Those days I feel I need time alone, He grants me extra time with my daughter instead. And my soul is refreshed, my strength restored, my love and joy multiplied, simply by her being with me. Today was one of those days. I woke up already longing to go back to bed, wanting Emma to sleep in so I could oil pull, drink coffee and wake up. I was focused on "me" and instantly felt a little overwhelmed when she woke at 5a.
Taking a deep breathe, and asking God to help me, I pulled myself together and went in to get her out of bed. It took just a few minutes for me to relax once I held my daughter in my arms, a mommy can't help being filled with happiness with her childs head on her shoulder and her arms wrapped around her neck. Although, it was not until we started our walk, that I really truly understood what God was doing by giving me that extra time, bright and early, with Emma. He was granting me the peace I truly needed, quenching my thirsty soul, and refilling my loving cup.
These past 20 months have shown time and again how much I need to let go and let God. It is not very easy at times, being somewhat of a type A personality it is often hard for me to let go of control and relax. I am working on that. I am so glad that God showed me a better way to be wake up than what I had originally desired! Had I gotten my way, I would have missed out on a long, early morning walk with my beautiful daughter, that left both of us relaxed, happy and at peace. 20 months of bliss. Not all roses and sunshine, but filled with more love than I have ever known.
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