It has been 2 weeks with Emma sleeping in her crib all night and I think I am finally getting used to it. She sleeps between 9.5 and 12 hours a night, with the average being 11 hours. All the things I was worried about missing with her not sleeping in our bed, I do miss. And it is tough sometimes to wake up in the middle of the night and not be able to kiss the top of her head, rub her back, or give her a gentle squeeze. I miss her lifting her head in the morning and giving me a smile before putting her head back down, how she would pat my cheek before giving me a big kiss, how she eagerly reached for the light switch to turn off the bedroom fan as we left the room. I miss all of what had been our routine for 9 months.
We have a new routine now and, while different, it is just as wonderful. Emma wakes up so very happy anytime between 6:30a and 7:30a. She starts chatting happily to herself, playing with her My Pal Violet toy, and, as of yesterday morning, laughing. (It was super cute and I sat and listened to it for a few minutes before going in to get her.) I know that if she wakes and starts crying, that she is not ready to be up and will go back to sleep if I let her be for a few minutes. She normally does not cry for more than 3-5 minutes and then settles back down to sleep for another hour or two. When she finally wakes up, happy and smiling and ready to start the day, I go pick her up and get her changed and dressed/bathed. Then, we head to the living room where I read to her while she sits on my lap, snuggling and having a morning bottle.
These moments have become so very special to me! I love the sweet morning chatter, the snuggles, the stories. It is precious time, uninterrupted by cell phones, internet or TV (the exception being Sunday morning as we watch "Mr. Rogers Neighborhood" together as we snuggle). Emma will even get upset when I stop reading before she is done with her bottle and cuddle time, which I love! I thought I was going to lose all that made our mornings together special, but while we don't have the same routine, I have gained as much, if not more, than I lost. I also realize that I did not really "lose" anything, I will forever have and cherish the memories made during those first 9 months, and nothing can take them away from me.
I am learning to embrace our new normal, to cherish the preciousness of the here and now, to love the process of making new, wonderful memories and focus on the beautiful child in front of me as she grows into her own.
I even have found the time to start running again! Now, I am not a huge fan of running, but I used to do it a few times a week on top of my other workout routine as I know it is good for me, and it does work. I have not done much in the way of exercise since Emma was born, I just could not seem to find the time to do it.
Now, I can get up at 5a and go for a run (I chose running so I don't make a lot of noise with a workout video) without worrying about waking the baby as I get out of bed, or worrying that she will roll out of bed if I leave the room. (I only go running if Josh is home, so she is not left in the house all by herself, and she used to sleep so long that I did not have time to shower unless I snuck out from under her, hence the fear about her rolling out of our bed.) Now that she sleeps in her own bed so well, maybe I can finally get back in shape... (One can hope, right?)
The joy and sweetness of our new morning routine, our new normal, has become something that I look forward to each day. It carries me through the work day and makes any day, no matter how tough, easier to handle. I may not always look forward to change, but I am realizing that the change may be good, and am learning to embrace all my new normals, no matter how tough the initial transition.
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