Yes, Still Waiting

So, I have been trying to figure out what to post and share, but with no updates to share, I have been drawing a blank.  Yes, we are in the pool. No, we have not had any new updates, no interest, no bites.  Yes, we are still waiting.

Waiting is: necessary, difficult, stressful, frustrating.  Waiting for someone to look at our profile and decide they want to choose us as the adoptive parents for their child is incredibly nerve-wracking.  There are days when I think about everything in our profile and wonder if something is missing, or if something should be taken out.  I wonder if the pictures used, the auto-biographies written, the intro-letter posted, share enough of who we are.  I wonder if we could have phrased something differently, or if we could have used different pictures.

Would changing anything in our profile make the difference between the endless wait and the life-altering phone call announcing we have been chosen?  I will never know the answers to those questions.  Will our wait ever end? Of course, it is just a matter of when.  I wish I could have a clear picture of how long this wait will be, of how long I will anxiously stare at the phone willing our adoption agency to call and tell us we have been chosen.

I wish I could be doing something to help the process along.  Of course, those are unrealistic desires, and I am working on focusing on something else.  It is hard to focus on other things when my whole being is centered on waiting and listening for that phone call.  I find myself checking to make sure that my phone is actually on, that we still have service on our home phone, that I have not somehow missed that incredibly important call.  There are days when I feel I will break under the pressure of the wait.

When the days get really bad, I go into the nursery and see how far it has come, I stare into the crib and picture a sleeping angel within, I sit in the rocking chair and can feel my baby in my arms, and I am at peace once again.  The wait will end, we will be chosen, our blessing from heaven will be here before we know it.  The wait will be worth the reward.