Positive Adoption Language

I recently read an article titled, "Is PAL Too PC?" (PAL - Positive Adoption Language)  The article really got me thinking.  In the adoption process, you are taught over and over again to use PAL when discussing any aspect of adoption.  But, as the article pointed out, sometimes people need to use whatever language they are comfortable with, especially the birth-parents.  Sometimes, the "proper" terms do not encompass, or account for, all of the emotions of the adoptive or birth-parents.  I will list some PAL here, these are straight from our adoption handbook that we received from our agency.

Positive:                                                                Negative:
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Planning an adoption for your child                      Giving your child away
Choosing an adoptive family for your child        Putting your child up for adoption
Placing the child in an adoptive home                 Giving up your child
Birthmother, birthfather, birthparent              Real/natural mother, real/natural father
Adoptive parents                                               Not the "real" parents
Birth child/child by birth                                   Real/natural child
Our Child/child by adoption                          Always referring to child as "adopted"
Deciding to parent the child/parenting           Keeping the child
Child                                                               Illegitimate child
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Some of these terms, adoptive parents, child, birth-parents, etc., are great.  They help keep the focus on the best aspects of adoption.  Others, while well meaning, can not begin to cover the ups and downs of adoption.  I am sure that many birth-parents truly feel that in many ways they are giving up their child, or giving their child away, when planning an adoption.  It must be difficult for birth-parents to plan an adoption for their child to begin with and PAL may be too hard to focus on during that time.

The men and women that are faced with such a difficult decision, whether to parent or place their child in an adoptive home, should be allowed to use whatever language feels right to them when discussing adoption.  That being said, I think it is important for those trying to adopt, and their friends and family, to learn PAL and use it whenever they are discussing adoption.  So, my dear friends and family, re-read the lists of Positive and Negative Adoption Language and try to remember to use those terms when talking about adoption.  Adoption language - lets keep it positive! :)