Last night while waiting for my husband to come home from work, I was watching "Home Alone 2: Lost in New York". I have always enjoyed that movie and watch it once a year around Christmas time. This year was a little bit different. For some reason a few of the scenes made me tear up. First the scene at the hotel in New York when the mom decides to go out looking for Kevin, then the scene where she is talking to the cops on the street corner about him.
My heart ached for her and, even though I do not yet have kids of my own, I knew exactly how she felt. The pain, the fear, the love, I felt it all and knew that I would do the same thing if my child was lost. Sappy, I know, but it is how I felt. Those of you with children can relate, as mothers I know there is nothing you wouldn't do for your children. I feel the same way even though I have not yet met my own children.
Some of you may think it is strange and ridiculous that I feel this way when I am not yet a mother. Some of you may scoff and think I can't possibly understand a mothers feelings, a mothers fears, a mothers love. Yet, I do. I do not know why or how, I just know that I do. Having all these feelings, without having children, can sometimes make the adoption process feel too long and overwhelming. But I would not trade them for anything.
I may not have children yet, but I know I will in time, and I love them with every fiber of my being. Feeling that love is hard at times, but is also allows me to view things differently. This time of year it allows me to watch Christmas specials and dream of watching them with my children. I can clearly see myself curled up on the couch with my children, sipping hot coco and watching "Twas the Night Before Christmas", The Year Without A Santa Claus" and the others. The thought warms my heart and I know that, when it finally happens, it will be so much better than my dreams.
Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life. Proverbs 13:12
One day my longing to be a mother will be fulfilled. In the mean time, I will wait and try to enjoy all the feelings, all of the emotions, as they come. And yes, I will watch the Christmas specials and allow myself to cry if I feel like it. :)
Of course! You are expecting...you are going through the process! I would cry at Hallmark cards...Home Alone, it's not even a question - I WILL get choked up. It's only right. It's your party, cry if you want to!
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