Intake Interview

On this adoption journey, it often seems that things move at a snails pace.  The more I want things to move at a faster pace, the more they seem to slow down.  Not that things are really moving that slowly, it just feels that way at times.  Things are progressing at a normal, steady pace.  I simply want them to progress faster.  I guess that may make me seem impatient and pushy at times.  I don't really feel that that is the case.  

Who among us has not wanted something so badly and felt the desire so keenly, that we have waited anxiously for the moment it would finally arrive?  I am willing to bet that there is not a single person on earth that has not waited with baited breath for what they desire to finally come.  For me, the desire to be a mother is the greatest, most intense desire I have a ever felt.  The call to motherhood constantly echos through my mind.  The physical ache is so strong at times that it takes, what feels to be, a tremendous effort just to keep from crying out.

I used to think that I had to hide how I felt, that I had to act like I am OK, that every moment was just fine.  I felt as if I had to act like this process is easy, and  hope and excitement were the only things I felt.  I realize now that I don't have to act like I am not going crazy due to the wait.  I can be real and honest and show my emotions.  Yes, I am hopeful and excited.  I am also anxious and nervous.  And I am OK with that.

This past Friday Josh and I took another, long awaited, step forward on this journey.  We had our intake interview with our adoption worker in Eugene.  We spoke with her for two hours.  We discussed what brought us to adoption, what brought us to their agency and open adoption, our hopes for the future with our child, what we hope our open adoption relationship will look like, etc.  I enjoyed the meeting and felt so relieved to have finally made it to that point in this process.

To finally get to the point where we are doing more than just filling out forms, to finally be making progress that felt real, progress that was visible, was amazing.  The interview allowed the end result, becoming a parent, to finally seem tangible and within reach.  After it was over I wanted to laugh, and cry, and jump up and down with relief and joy.  I will not say that the anxiety is totally gone, because it is still there, but it is eased somewhat by knowing that we are really, truly making progress.

 I am so grateful that we are on this journey.  I am grateful we have an adoption worker that was able to make us feel at ease and comfortable with the process.  I am grateful that I have a wonderful husband to walk this path with. This journey will never be easy, but with the right people in our lives, it will be beautiful and fulfilling one.  I will try to focus on enjoying the moment and try to not let my anxiety and impatience get the better of me.

Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good! His faithful love endures forever. - Pslams 136:1


I will strive to always be grateful for this amazing path God has placed us on, no matter the pace of our progress!