15 Months

Our sweet baby girl turned 15  months old two days ago and, as I look back at all she has learned, how much she has grown, in that 15 months, I am in awe.  To say that she has made me proud is an understatement.  The fact that she knows so many words, can even speak in small sentences now and then, knows a little sign language, and is constant source of joy, is all mind blowing to me.

Having found out about our little one just one month prior to her birth, and waiting on pins and needles till all the papers were signed after she was born to know if she would truly be ours, having gone from there to where we are now, just amazing.  We both struggle now and then, parenting is a learning experience.  Parents and their little ones are both learning and growing together, finding out what works and what doesn't.  I know I have had to relearn many things being Emma's mama.  Patience, playfulness, the complete and utter joy that comes from just being silly.  I am also learning how to let go of control, which if you know me, is super hard to do.

This month also marks 1 year since I have been back to work full time.  I am still waiting for it to get easier...  I love my job but I love being home with Emma so much more.  Each day I have to walk out that door, breaks my heart into a few more little pieces.  I honestly don't know how much longer I can keep this up without breaking.  I put on a brave face, smile and wave goodbye, while holding back the tears that threaten to come pouring out.  The thought of coming home to her each night, even knowing she will already be asleep, is one of the things that keeps me from giving up during the work day.  She truly is the light of mine and her dads world.  We could not live without her.

As I bask in the glow of total and adoring love for my child, I can't help but thank the God who made each of us.  We are fearfully and wonderfully made!