Another Year of Waiting Begins

2011 has come and gone, and another year of waiting looms before us.  I often feel that waiting is all we do.  Hurry up and get this or that done, fill out paperwork, schedule this interview, all so we can wait some more.  I know that every expectant parent waits.  Waiting is not unique to our situation.  But knowing that waiting is something every expectant couple goes through, does not make it easier to do deal with.

There is no time frame for how long our wait will be, it could be as short as 3 months, or as long as 2 years.  Having no idea how long we will wait, makes the strain of that wait hard to bear.  The uncertainty of it all occasionally shakes me to my core.  I struggle with keeping my sanity and a positive outlook.

People that have been blessed with children and the ability to bear them, have no idea what it is like to have no clue how long it will be before they hold their child in their arms.  Yes, there is always some uncertainty during a pregnancy, but in general you know that in about 9 months you will meet your little one.  Not knowing at all how long the wait will turn out to be, makes the end of the path difficult to envision at times.  

 We have seen so many of our friends and families dreams of becoming parents fulfilled with the birth of their children.  We have so long been spectators to the miracle of life, the blessing of children, being given to those we love and not receiving that blessing ourselves, that at times it feels likes that's all we will ever be, spectators.

I know that one day the wait will be over, one day we will hold our own children in our arms.  But knowing that the wait will one day end, does not always bring comfort.  And, with the pending birth of our friends little girl, I am struggling with focusing on remaining happy for them and not feeling sorry for myself.  I have faith that my dreams will one day be fulfilled, I trust in Gods plan.  I am also human and at times unable to keep from breaking down and being filled with despair.

But, even during the moments when I do not think I can continue, even in those most of despair, I have faith in God and will wait on Him.  A beautiful song by John Waller called "While I'm Waiting" says it all:

I'm waiting, I'm waiting on You Lord
And I am hopeful, I'm waiting on You Lord
Though it is painful, but patently I will wait.


And I will move ahead bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience. 


While I'm waiting I will serve You
While I'm waiting I will worship
While I'm waiting I will not faint
I'll be running the race even while I wait.


I'm waiting, I'm waiting on You Lord
And I am peaceful, I'm waiting on You Lord
Though it's not easy no, but faithfully I will wait.


So, while I struggle at times with uncertainty, with the strain of waiting, with keeping my sanity, I will worship God and faithfully, I will wait.