Considering Surrogacy

Josh and I talked about our options for starting our family even before we got married. One of the the options was surrogacy. I would love to be able to have children through a surrogate but there are a few things that stand in the way of this. First, it is hard to find someone you trust to be a surrogate and then if you find that someone they have to be willing to do it. Then there is the cost.

The average cost of surrogacy is between $60k-$80k. I don't know about you, but I don't have that kind of money just lying around. What makes surrogacy so expensive? 

Medical expenses include fertility medication, ivf, sperm preparation, frozen embryo transfers and assisted hatching all of which cost anywhere from about $6,750 -$11,750. Then there are surrogate mom fees which are about $13,00 - $25,000. There are agency fees if you work with an agency which can cost $15,000 - $30,000. Then there are the legal fees which can cost $1,000 - $8,000.And of course there are the misc fees which include maternity clothes, lost wages, travel expenses, life insurance for the surrogate and supplemental health insurance for the surrogate.

If I had the money I would not hesitate to opt for surrogacy. But, I would be worried constantly about the my child and the woman carrying him or her. Is she eating right? Is she taking her prenatals? Is she exercising? Is she smoking or drinking? Is she getting enough sleep? I would probably be calling the surrogate all the time to make sure everything was going ok. The poor woman would be so tired of me by the time the pregnancy ended! And how do you find someone you trust enough to carry this wonderful gift of life?

There is always close friends or family but I have yet to find a close friend who would be willing to do it and of my sisters that are old enough they are all either unwilling or have reservations about it. While their unwillingness saddens me I also understand and respect their decision. It would be difficult to bond with a child for 9 months and go through the pain of delivery just to hand the child over to someone else.  I am sure there are some who would be willing but not necessarily able to.

And as for the cost, if we saved up for a fews years or so, probably between 5-10 years or so, we would be able to afford it. But then, what if it doesn't work the first time? What if works initially but  somehow ends in miscarriage or still birth? The process would have to start all over from the beginning and all that money has to be saved once again. Then again, if it worked it would be so worth it! But as of now it is not a viable option for many reasons.

So, that idea is on the back burner for the time being. We have not fully closed the door on the possibility of surrogacy but as it stands now we don't have the funds or the willing womb. It is possible that in the future we will be blessed with both  but we are leaving that in the Lords hands and know that regardless of whether or not we start our family through surrogacy that God is in full control. I also feel God pulling us more towards adoption as the way to go to start our family. 

Every good and perfect gift is from above, and cometh down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variableness, neither shadow of turning. James 1:17

No matter how we start our family, our children will be beautiful, wonderful, awe-inspiring gifts from God! I look forward to the day when I finally hold my children in my arms!