Yes, our sweet little bundle is 8 months old, ok, 8.5 months old now, and growing like a weed. Everyday she discovers something new, everyday she makes mama and dada smile! She is eating more "adult" food and always tries to grab the food off of our plates. She has also discovered her "voice" and makes it known when she wants something or when she is upset by not getting what she wants, when she wants it. Yes, she has learned how to throw a fit. But mama and dada know the difference between her fits and her other cries, and we both do not give in to her little tantrums, at least most of the time... :)
Emma now waves goodbye to me whenever I leave for work, and waits up for me to come home at night. She also gives big, open-mouthed, sloppy kisses, I love her kisses! I love listening to her chatter all day and sing when she plays with my hair. Emma loves her daddy daughter days which makes me very happy! Daddy builds forts with her, swings on the porch swing, and plays a game called "launch the baby" (I think that is what he calls it anyway..) where she stands in front of the couch and he "launches" her up onto it after counting to three. She giggles like crazy and wants to do it over and over again, it is super cute!
I love being a mommy, yet I worry all the time that I am not a good enough one. My biggest parenting fail so far, at least in my opinion, has been my inability to find more breast milk for Emma. I had hoped and prayed that God would help get us through her first year only on breast milk, and I was confident that either nursing would work out, it didn't, or that we would have steady donors for a year, we haven't. Now, as we get closer and closer to the end of our breast milk stash, even doing half milk/half formula, and people that promise to donate don't follow through, my confidence is shaken, and I feel like such a bad mom! I do feel like I am failing her and am losing faith in my ability to give her the best.
I have a confession to make as well, Emma still sleeps in our bed (yes, I was trying to wean her a few months ago and it did not work). Now, I know most of you will say that this is a parenting fail, so many people keep saying just that and saying how horrible it is that she is still there, yet I don't agree. Yes, she needs to be weaned at some point, and she will be, but she will be alright even if she stays in our bed for 4 more months. Do I plan on her staying in our bed for that long, no, but, should it happen, it will be okay. I know, parenting fail of epic proportions, let the judgment begin!
Do I worry that I will ruin Emma? All the time. But not because she still sleeps in our bed at 8 months old. I worry I won't be present enough, I worry I won't be able to give her the best food, the best education, the best of me. I worry I will get frustrated and angry at times, I worry I will be too strict, or not strict enough. I worry she won't see my faith in God shine through enough, that she will not feel my love enough. In those ways, and so many more, do I fear I will ruin her, not by her sleeping in our bed.
She is healthy, happy and growing, and simply the best thing in the world! I may not be the best mom in the world, or even the 100th best mom in the world, but I am trying and so far, I think Emma is doing alright :)
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