Reminiscing

As Emma grows and I fall more madly in love with her as each day passes, I am reminded of a time when I thought such joy could not exist.  A time when, I fell in love with another baby, just to have it torn from its mothers womb, and, subsequently, from my heart.  Gods grace is magnificent and during that time, when I thought I could not bear one more step, He wrapped me in His arms.  The same God that carried me through the moment that inspired this poem:

One life taken, so shortly begun. Two hearts broken, hope shattered, undone. The pain of loss of a child not yet known, but loved so deeply we called it our own.
On my knees I fall in tears and in pain and cry to the Lord for His helping hand. "When O Lord," I cry from my knees, "will I get to be, the mother that I've always wanted to be? How long till I get to hold in my arms my sweet little angel, my beloved baby?"
"Patience my daughter I have a child just for thee" God says as He wraps his arms round and holds my softly. "The road might seem long and the wait hard to bear, but trust me my child, I'll always be there. Your child is precious, as precious can be. So, patience my daughter, I've a child just for thee."

Was faithful in His promise to me and graced me with the child I longed for and brought me to the incredible moment that inspired this poem:

I brush my lips gently across your head, feeling the feathery softness of your hair. I breath in your sweet baby smell and listen to your relaxed breathing. I feel the weight of your head on my shoulder,  the light tough of your tiny hand atop mine.
The precious moments before dawn, before you wake and rise with the sun, are loved and cherished beyond measure. The memory of them carry me through the work day, the desire for them rushing me home at days end. 
More precious than diamonds, more costly then gold, is my sweet angel baby, my Emma, to love and to hold.

I still find it hard to fathom the depth of Gods mercy and grace, the blessings He bestows on one so undeserving as I.  And, while there were many moments in our adoption journey that tore my heart to shreds and left me feeling broken and used, God took each shattered, jagged, broken piece of my heart and soul, polished it, reshaped it, strengthened it, and put it lovingly back together.
 I would not trade any of those moments for the world for they led me to my precious Emma Love.