Three Months & Heading Back to Work

Can Emma really be turning 3 months old this Friday?!?!?!  It does not seem possible that she has been in our lives that long already.  I am in awe of this incredible little angel, our own beautiful glimpse of Heaven.  She makes me smile every day, almost every hour.  She may be an early riser but the sweet smiles she gives us more than make up for it.  

Watching her grow and discover new things is so much fun!  Seeing the world anew, through the eyes of an infant first discovering it, is such a gift.  The wonder and joy when she realizes that her hand is really a part of her, the smile she gets when she sees her reflection in the mirror, the curiosity in her eyes as she grabs a toy for the first time, it is all so magical and exciting to watch!

I really do not know why God blessed us so.  I know we do not deserve her.  I also know that there is not a moment I am alive that I will not cherish each moment with her, enjoy all the sweet firsts and precious seconds.  I look forward to each new day, excited for what she may do or discover next.  Each day is better than the day before!  And, each new day brings me closer to this Saturday when I have to go back to work...

I am not looking forward to going back to work.  Don't get me wrong, I love my job and like me co-workers, I just love being a stay-at-home mom more.  I have never been more happy or more fulfilled in my entire life.  Motherhood is such a gift, such an honor, and I am sad that I wont be here for each moment of it.  I fear that going back to work will make her forget me, or the close bond we have developed will be weakened or shattered.  I fear missing out on her first steps or her first words.  I fear that she will not understand why mommy is not there, that she will feel abandoned.

Irrational fears?  Probably.  But that does not make them any less real or feel any less painful.  Knowing that she will be fine, that she wont forget me, that our bond will not be broken, does not lessen the pain and sadness I feel at going back to work.  I know that she will be well cared for while I am gone and do not worry about her well-being.  I am sad for me.

I will cherish every moment I do have with her.  She is such a wonderful gift!  I cant wait to see what she learns and discovers in the next three months!

Sweet Emma Love, Mommy loves you!!!!