Adoption Discussions

While we are in the process of adopting, I find myself really listening to how others talk of adoption and adopted children.  I do not always like what I hear.  The other day at work, some co-workers were talking about a co-worker and his kids.  One lady asked how many he had.  Someone said "He has four, two are his."  (This co-worker has two biological children and two adopted children). I immediately jumped in and said, "they are all HIS! Just because two are adopted does not mean they are any less his children."  I bristled with anger and hurt at that ridiculous remark.

Another co-worker said, "well, he has an open adoption, so what do you call that? Are they still his kids?"  Absolutely! Open adoption or closed adoption, when a family adopts a child, that child is 100%, unequivocally, indisputably, THEIR child!  Every adopted child will always have two sets of parents, biological parents and  adopted parents.  But that does not mean that they belong any less to their adopted parents then if they were biologically born to them.

Biological connection is not the end all, be all of belonging.  Too much emphasis is placed on biology.  Too many people view adoption as 'charity' and not love and belonging.  That type of attitude is one of the reasons that adopted parents often have a hard time believing that they have the right to be "parents" to their adopted children.  Too many people do not understand adoption.  We need to change that. People need to start discussing adoption openly, and in a positive light.  Those of us that adopt need to show the world what adoption is all about.

Now, I know that my co-workers did not mean any harm by their statements, they simply do not understand adoption.  But knowing that does not mean that their ignorant, callous comments did not bother me.  They deeply bothered me.  I was hurt, angry and could not believe how anyone could say something so unfeeling and thoughtless.  Their comments made me think of how I feel about children I have yet to meet, of the love I have for them already and how I know that, even if they are not biologically connected to me, they  will be MY children.  I knew that our co-worker feels the same way about ALL his children, both biological and adopted.  I know he does not view his adopted children any differently than he does his biological children.

That is why I jumped in to that conversation and tried to explain that all our co-workers children were completely his, no matter how they came to be in his family.  I may have been a little harsh initially, but I feel so strongly about the beauty of adoption that I let my emotion rule my words.  I will try to be less emotional in the future.  I will continue to talk about our adoption process with people, and try to show them what a wonderful thing adoption is.  I hope to show people like my co-workers that, even though the children Josh and I will have are not biologically connected to us, that does not make them any less our children.