Undeserved Blessing

After going to the adoption seminar, I realized how amazingly lucky I am to have found out I could not have kids early in my life.  At the time I found out I had MRKH, at the age of 17, I saw only the awfulness of the diagnoses.  I saw only that my dreams of becoming a mother were drastically changed, forever altered.  In that time and place I could not foresee what a gift it would turn out to be.

Many of the other couples at the seminar were not as lucky as I.  They went through years of struggling to conceive, years of infertility treatments, years of heartache, before turning to adoption to start, or enlarge their family.  I can not even begin to imagine what a toll those years of shattered hopes must have had on them.

Hearing their stories made my heart ache for them.  I looked at these couples with so much love to give, their hearts still open after all their struggles, and I am in awe of their strength.  I realized that, but for the grace of God, I could have been in that same spot.  I could have gone through years of trying unsuccessfully to conceive, years of infertility treatment, before coming to where I am now.

God had other plans and saved me from that heartache and pain.  Yes, He allowed me to go through another kind of heartache, another kind of pain.  But He, in doing so, also gave me an amazing blessing and a priceless gift.   No, nobody wants to hear that will never bear children.  I sure did not when I found out.  Being so young at the time, I could not fathom that I had actually received a blessing, not a curse.

To have known long before I got married that I would be starting my family through adoption, is a gift I do not deserve.  I am so grateful that God saw fit to have me learn of my barrenness early on.  For, in knowing so early, I was able to have adoption be my plan A.  It was not my plan B, or plan C.  I did not come to adoption as a last resort after years of struggling with infertility treatments and failed IVF or surrogacy.  Because of that, my heart no longer has a gaping wound, it is not still half shattered from the pain of infertility.

I was able to come to adoption with a heart fully open, fully healed.  At the time I found out I was barren, I could never have guessed that one day I would be thanking God for it.  If you had told me at that time that I would one day be grateful for it and see it as a blessing, I would not have believed you.  And yet, here I am ten years later, thanking God for this amazing gift I have been given.  Thanking Him for this blessing I do not deserve.

It is the blessing of the Lord makes rich, and He adds no sorrow to it.  Proverbs 10:22


Finding out that I will forever be barren at an early age is truly an undeserved blessing, and I will forever be grateful for it!