When our state adoption worker finally told us that the backgrounds checks had come through and we could update the paperwork I was so relieved. It seemed to have taken forever to get those back. That week I went in to pick up the paperwork we needed to update and found out that we had to re-fill out all the paperwork as well as some new forms. Really? We had to basically start from scratch as if we had not done anything through them before? Well, if that what it takes then we will do what we must.
Have any of you ever looked at the paperwork involved in adoption? It is massive. I looked at all these forms and could not believe we had to spend so much time filling it all out again. It seemed to tower over me and taunt me. But, we filled it all out and got it turned back in about a week or so later.Then came the wait for the homestudy. A week after we turned in all the paperwork I sent our worker an e-mail to make sure that she had received everything since she had not contacted us yet. I also wanted to know when we could schedule the homestudies for.
Two weeks after that she finally got back to me saying she had received the paperwork but that it would take a while to get to our homestudy as she had other clients who were more important. OK, so our wait would be a bit longer. not so bad, I can deal with that. But trying to be patient is not easy and I started stressing. ( I feel bad for Josh as he often bears the brunt of that stress. Sorry honey! ) We finally had our first (technically our 3rd but who's counting?) homestudy on May 10th. It seemed to go fairly well and we scheduled the other two for two weeks later on May 24th.
Our adoption worker ended up cancelling those ones and we had to reschedule. Josh had his meeting with her on May 19th and mine was scheduled for May 23rd. During Josh's meeting with our adoption worker is when the hammer dropped. Our adoption worker flat out told Josh that she would not place a child in our home, that she would feel uncomfortable giving us a child. She said that this was due in part to the fact that we both admitted to having a drink or two with dinner once in a while. I could not believe it when Josh told me what she had said. Was she serious?!
Why would the fact that we have a drink now and then make us unfit parents? I don't understand how being honest and admitting to the occasional drink with dinner would change how capable we are at providing a safe loving home for a child. It should not make any difference whatsoever. I felt like she had strung us along and we had jumped through all the hoops the past 3 years for nothing. I felt that we had wasted our time and I cancelled my appointment with her as I could not see how keeping it would make a difference. All that time and effort for nothing.
I find myself dropped to me knees over and over again in this long, arduous adoption process and need Gods strength more and more as time goes by.
My soul is weary with sorrow; strengthen me according to Your word. Psalms 119:28
I know that even though I sorrow, even though I am in pain, that God will strengthen me and lift me up from the depths of despair. I know He will use all of these set backs and failures and shattered dreams for good. I know that He will never leave me and that He has a child waiting for us. I just need to learn to trust in Him and follow where He leads.
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