Three Weeks and Still in Shock

As I sit here, drinking coffee and typing one-handed, I am awed by what a precious miracle sweet Miss Emma is.  Emma will be 3 weeks old tomorrow and there are still moments when it all feels surreal.  Moments I am struck by the magnitude of this gift we have been given and have to ask if this is real, is this actually happening?  Am I really a mom?  It does not seem possible that my dreams have finally come true.  And yet, here she is, the answer to my prayers, the gift I never thought I would receive, the blessing I do no not deserve.

I have to admit that, in the 4 years leading up to this point, even though I trusted that God would bless us with a child someday, there were moments when part of me felt that it would not happen, that I was too unworthy, that I would not be a good mom.  And if you had told me last year around this time that I would be praising God and holding our child in my arms this year, I would never have believed you.  It does not seem possible that, last year I was so sad and depressed and this year I am so elated and walking on air.  The difference a child makes is astonishing.

The weight of her little body as she sleeps in my arms, the smell of her skin, the soft, silkiness of her dark hair, her pretty blue eyes, her sweet toothless smile, her precious dimples and cute little pug nose, her adorable little scowl and lip quiver, all make me smile and tear up and thank God for our precious child.  My love for her is so strong and so overwhelming, that at times, I fear if I look away from her too long she will disappear, that I will find out this has all been a hoax or a dream.

Josh and I both remarked the other day about how incredible it is that we love her so much, this little one that grew in our hearts and is as much a part of us as any child with our DNA would be.  Neither of us can imagine life without Emma in it. I honestly had no idea a love like this existed.  It is so strong, so powerful, so all-consuming that it brings me to tears and I can't imagine not feeling this way.

While it feels strange at times to think of myself as a mom and of Josh as a dad, it is also so amazingly wonderful.  I pray we are the parents Emma deserves, that we do a good job and that the mistakes we are bound to make are not life-altering or too bad to mend.  I pray that I impart to Emma, love, compassion, empathy, godliness, humbleness and faith.  I pray she never doubts my love, I pray she turns into a woman that is so much better than I.  I pray I am a good mother.

For this child I prayed; and the Lord hath given me my petition which I asked of Him.  1 Samuel 1:27