Last week Josh and I went to OA&FS's required adoption seminar in Portland. I must say it was a huge blessing to get to go. We got to hear from two birth mothers and two adoptive parents during the seminar. Hearing their stories was amazing. The love these women, the birth moms, have for their children was so incredibly evident in how they spoke of their children, and what drove them to choose adoption for their children. I am in awe of the strength, love and courage these women embody. Hearing their stories drove home the fact that they really do want what is best for their child. They choose adoption not give up their child, but to give their child the best future possible. My heart aches for these women and I wish I could take away the pain they feel when the place their child in someone else's arms.
Hearing the stories from the adoptive parents was also a blessing. It showed me that all the emotions I have been having, the anxiety, the hopefulness, the ups, the downs, all of it is normal. To know that I am not the only adoptive mom that has all of these mixed feelings, made me feel a little better. I now feel free to have all of these emotions without feeling guilty for having them. It also highlighted the fact that all of the ups and downs prior to being chosen as an adoptive family, will be more than worth it when we finally hold our baby in our arms.
When we got home from the seminar, we focused on finishing filling out the application and intake paperwork and sent it in. After we sent it off, I felt like a huge weight was lifted from my shoulders. I know it is just the first part, and we still have a long way to go, but we are finally making bigger strides forward, and I am so relieved! Going to the seminar also brought a huge rush of mixed emotions and thoughts to the surface. Please bear with me as I share some of them with you.
This whole process is nerve-wracking, exciting, scary, strange, and totally amazing. I am feeling hopeful, nervous, happy and stressed. I feel in some ways like I am an expectant mother without the benefit of having a due date. There is so much for us to think about, so much to do, so much to learn, so many unanswered questions. I am thinking about so many things at once. How we need to finish clearing out the baby room and start setting it up, researching and deciding on a good pediatrician. Getting a storage unit so we can put all of our extra and seasonal items in it so we have more room.
The list of things I am thinking about goes on and on, seemingly endlessly it runs through my head. I cant stop them, and I don't want want to. It is a gift to have all of these thoughts, all of these emotions, constantly barraging my mind. They remind me of this amazing journey we are on and I would not have it any other way. Having such mixed emotions and thoughts also reminds me of the fact that God is with me at all times and is walking with us down this amazing path. That His love will quiet my soul and carry me through.
The Lord your God is with you, He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing. Zephaniah 3:17
In His timing a precious child will be shared with you and you both will make wonderful parents right from the start. What a gift to give a child! For them to know they are loved, wanted, adored and cherished right from the start! So many children come into this world unwanted and the parent(s) are unprepared or worse, don't care. Your love you already have for your child is evident and what a blessing you will be to him or her!
ReplyDeleteP.S. all those emotions are just part of becoming a parent for the first time. Adoptive or not! :)
ReplyDeleteThank you! It is always good to know that how I feel is normal for every expectant parent, it makes it ok to feel this way without feeling guilty for it. :)
ReplyDeleteCarole, I believe that you are nesting! It's the experience that all Moms have prior to giving birth. It's healthy, normal and how God made us. There are so many emotions an expecting Mom has...what will my baby look like? Will he/she have my features or Dad's? What will their personality be like? Being an adopted child myself, my siblings tell me my manurisms are like my Mama's...after all, she raised me and I spent my formative years around her the most. My speech and language are the same as Mama's...my hand gestures, etc. A baby doesn't need to grow and be formed under your heart 9 months to make it your own...you will have a lifetime for your child to grow in it. Love and prayers.
ReplyDeleteSo that what nesting is! I have always heard about it but had no idea that I could ever experience it. I am very excited for what the future holds for us :)
ReplyDeleteHey love, I so excited for you and Josh.. We'll be thinking about an praying for all to go well!!! It'll be such fun to have a little Josh or Carole in you're arms! :)
ReplyDeleteThank you daddy! I love you too!!! :)
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