In November of 2011, Josh's diversion was finally complete and the DUI dismissed. I was elated! Finally, we could try to move forward again with the adoption process! I knew that we have to update some paperwork and update our homestudy but never imagined how much more work it would turn out to be. This whole process has proven to much more difficult and emotionally draining than I could ever have imagined.
Before we could even begin to move ahead we had to re-fill out the background check forms and wait for them to come back. We turned in those papers near the first part of December and the waiting continued. I was anxious for our adoption worker to let us know that the backgrounds checks has come through and we could continue with the process. We had been told it would take 4-6 weeks for the backgrounds to come through.
Six weeks went by, then eight, then ten and still no call from our adoption worker. What on earth could be taking so long?! I called DHS every other week and e-mailed our worker almost as often to find out if the backgrounds were back. I am sure they got tired of me asking. I started to let the strain of waiting get to me. I was stressing big time and sometimes let that affect how I reacted the most minor disappointments and difficulties. My poor husband often bore the brunt of my outbursts of anger and disappointment.
The fact that he loves me despite my neurotic behavior still amazes me. Yes, it has not been easy and we have disagreed and butted heads, but he never stopped loving me and always finds ways to make me smile through the tears. I believe that God blessed me with a great husband, one who keeps me grounded and calls me on my bull. One who knows me better than I know myself and somehow loves me anyway. No, he is not perfect, he has his flaws and sometimes he bugs the heck out of me but, he is perfect for me.
While I struggled with the wait, I tried to focus on making sure things were ready for when we were able to move forward. I could not control the length of the wait but I could control how prepared I was. I spent large amounts of time online researching and looking into different adoption agencies just in case. I also decided to start working on our family book. The family book is a scrapbook showing our families and our activities, as a way of showing in pictures what matters to us and how we might be a good fit for the child/children we are interested in adopting.
I wanted to make it more then just a picture book, I wanted it to be a true family book. In order to accomplish this, I had members of my family put it together with me. My mom, my sisters, my nieces, etc. all helped me put it together. It may not look like a professional scrapbook, but it has so much more love and character in it than I could have dreamed. It reminds me of the wonderful people I have in my life and while I am still waiting to be blessed with children, I know that God has already blessed me in more ways than I deserve.
When God finally blesses me with children they will have the most amazing and loving father and a wonderful and loving extended family. How do I know this? Because I have been blessed to have these people in my life and could not imagine going through this adoption roller coaster without them. The gift of a loving family and husband, people who encourage me and lift me up, people who help make the waiting easier can only come from God. He is my fortress, my strength and my anchor.
He alone is my rock and my salvation; He is my fortress, I will not be shaken. Psalms 62.6
While the wait and disappointments that seem to never end threaten to shake my world apart, God has never let me go and continues to show me that He is in control.
No comments:
Post a Comment